Have you ever known a negative Nancy? No matter what you say to her, she replies with a negative and nasty answer! She is an expert on every subject, at least in her own mind. She tries to dominate every conversation even when she isn’t really involved in the conversation to start with. She always puts people down and finds the worst in already bad situations. Nancy would throw a drowning man a package of wet wipes and his overdue mortgage bill. She is always in everyone else’s business but keeps her life a secret. You know that she is being dishonest every time you have a conversation with her. She always tries to gossip about people who aren’t present in the room, and others have told you that she gossips about you. Nancy always invites herself to tag along with you and your coworkers and friends, and then expects you to pay for her. She is loud and embarrassing in public places, tells corny jokes, and just tries too hard to fit in. Nancy will be the first one to throw you under the bus if she ever senses that she could be in any sort of trouble. She is just not a nice person!
I think that everyone has a negative Nancy in their life at one point or another. What do you do about her? Do you get mad at her? Do you yell at her and tell her to leave you alone? Do you say nothing and put up with her negativity? Do you pray for her to change? Do you get her some help? Do you try to help her? Do you try to figure her out? Do you just ignore the whole situation?
“REMEMBER THE LOTUS FLOWER
Great people will always be mocked by those
Who feel smaller than them.
A lion does not flinch at laughter coming from a hyena.
A gorilla does not budge from a banana thrown at it by a monkey.
A nightingale does not stop singing its beautiful song
At the intrusion of an annoying woodpecker.
Whenever you should doubt your self-worth, remember the lotus flower.
Even though it plunges to life from beneath the mud,
It does not allow the dirt that surrounds it
To affect its growth or beauty.
Be that lotus flower always.
Do not allow any negativity or ugliness
In your surroundings
Destroy your confidence,
Affect your growth,
Or make you question your self-worth.
It is very normal for one ugly weed
to not want to stand alone.
Remember this always.
If you were ugly,
Or just as small as they feel they are,
Then they would not feel so bitter and envious
Each and every time they are forced
To glance up at magnificently
― Suzy Kassem
The truth is that we don’t know what makes a person think, or act the way that they do, or what the person has been through in their life. We really should not be quick to judge others; it’s not our job. Maybe the other person has gone through a living Hell! Sometimes we just have to be understanding of others and tolerant of behavior that we don’t care for. We should not be doormats for people when their behavior gets to the point that it interrupts our jobs or lives.
Usually there is a reason why people have the problems that they do. Childhood issues of abuse, abandonment, neglect, poverty, mental health issues, addiction, shame, and many other reasons can cause problems and negativity in people. Nancy is no exception!
When Nancy was a young girl her mother committed suicide. Her mother suffered from mental illness and substance abuse. Unfortunately, Nancy found her mother unresponsive on that fateful day. Several years later Nancy’s older brother left behind two young sons and a daughter as he too suffered the same fate related to the family’s mental illness. Nancy was never to marry as food became her lover and best friend. Her weight nearly tripled by the time she reached middle age. Her self-image and esteem was terrible; she was filled with shame and remorse. Nancy was lonely, addicted to food, and had unresolved grief and abandonment issues. Negative Nancy was a poor soul who desperately needed healing.
Nancy was scared that fate would someday call her name as the third on the family tree of mental illness and suicides. Fear was killing her in any case! She has literally been eating herself to death for decades. Who will take the time to see the scared and lonely little girl reaching out for help in the darkness? I believe that every comment Nancy made was a cry for help from the little girl trapped inside. Won’t you, won’t you please, please help me! For years that little girl has been waiting for someone to understand, take her hand and answer the call for help. If only someone had heard her young voice sooner! There is still hope, but the damage is immense. If the heart still beats, there is hope!
“There is nothing more powerful against negativity than sustained compassion.” – Odille Rault
I hope when you are dealing with a difficult person, that you will think about little Nancy, sweet little Nancy and all that she went through in life. Take the time to be there for people. Please don’t rush to judgment on your neighbors. We are our brother’s and sister’s keepers. It’s easy to help the nice neighbors, the beautiful people, the popular, the talented, the wealthy, but it’s not as easy to help those who are difficult, mentally challenged, deformed, ugly, dirty, intoxicated, and rude. We should be able to aid all of our brothers and sisters without prejudice.
Is Nancy a real person? Nancy is a combination of experience where the name has been changed for privacy. The story is based on truth, experience, strength, and hope. Nancy lives in every Town, in every State, in every Country in the World, she is male, she is female, and she is anyone who has ever needed help, or felt alone. Nancy is you, she is me, and she is every human being who suffers from the human condition. Nancy is anyone who has ever needed healing, who has ever needed hope, who has ever needed a friend!
©2015 Rev. Dr. Kevin T. Coughlin PhD.